The government has advised Ugandans on how to get around when
the coronavirus (2019-nCoV) finally reaches Uganda.
People have been told to block their nostrils with their
fingers as a way of preventing the infection and spread of the virus.
Over 40,000 people have so far contracted the virus on
mainland China and deaths are more than 1000. The virus, first detected in
China’s Hubei province, has since spread to over 20 countries.
The national treasury has said there is no money to spend on face
masks.
“Our coffers have been constrained by the fight against the
desert locust which invaded us as a few days ago,” a representative of the
Ministry of Finance said at a press conference today.
“We have had to dispatch thousands of soldiers armed with
stones, clubs and whistles to chase away those dangerous insects. We have spent
15 billion shillings in just two days. You can imagine what the cost will be in
the end,” he added.
The representative of the Ministry of Health said that
blocking one’s nostrils was more effective in preventing the contraction of the
virus than wearing a face mask.
“That virus only enters a person through the nostrils so if
you block them you have blocked it. We have done research and we are sure that
method works,” she said.
The treasury added that a lot of money had already been spent
to secure millions of cameras to capture LGBT people and those who promote the
practice of labia pulling. The cameras are to be installed within the bushes of
central and southern Uganda to catch “labia pullers". Cameras are also to secretly
be installed in houses which have only single sex occupants to capture LGBTs.
In Uganda LGBT practices are outlawed while a decree is being
prepared to ban labia elongation, a practice common among some Bantu groups.
Communities which practice it say labia elongation enhances sexual pleasure.
“We want to balance these things. Why should a girl have
things which are longer than those of her friend? This is unnatural,” the Gender
ministry’s representative said.
Sources say that the proposal to stop women from “pulling” stemmed
from a challenge by a Woman Parliamentary representative from the Kapchorwa
region in eastern Uganda.
The MP, in defence of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) – the
cutting of the clitoris from a woman’s private parts – reportedly told the
President that it was unfair to force the Sabiny to stop “cutting” while the
Bantu continued to pull.
“The Bantu pull, the Sabiny cut. It is unfair to stop one
group when both practices involve alteration of the vagina,” the MP reportedly
told the President.
This is a scene in William Odinga’s
fiction film “My Lovely Country”
